from everything and everyone, including myself.

Everything is so shit at the moment I dont know where to start.
My stupid car just cost me $600 to fix, which I really dont have but I need the car...
Dickface didnt come home from work last night and I have no idea where he is.

My MIL isnt talking to me (I dont think) as I moaned to her about him the other night....
my cousin is losing the fight and is just a skeletal bed bound 5 year old who the angels are just waiting to take.
My friends over here never invite me out anywhere anymore since I have become a mum and I miss my real mates back home so much I am thinking of cutting my losses and going back,. I hate the country but I am so damn lonely here.

I even went to get my hair done today to try and cheer me up, but of course had to take bubs with me so spent 3 hours making sure she didnt cry and didnt enjoy getting my hair cut at all.

I just want a friggin break world....and a partner and friends who care...seriously is that too much to ask?

I just wanted to say I am sorry you are going through so much. Sending you the biggest hugs.

Thanks Sean....

I just discovered that crying so hard that your stomach and chest shake is a really good way to put bubs to sleep....she was asleep in minutes!
Not really an ideal scenario but I cant seem to stop

I am scared I might have PND or something similar

Hey linds, I hope that you get a break soon! Sounds like you're doing a lot of giving and not getting a lot back in return
I don't know what your MIL is like normally but would it be possible to get your MIL to look after Saphire for a couple of hours so can get some sleep/a coffee etc?
Is there a CAYHS (I'm not sure if it's called the same thing in other states!) ...basically a child and mum's health place that you could go? Some of the ladies there are wonderful, practically helpful & understanding.
As for the PND, maybe have a chat with someone, it's so hard to cope on your own. Is your hospital still open to seeing you both?
And hon, if we were in the same state I'd catch up for a coffee (or something stronger) deffo!

My MIL is great, she just called me now actually coz I sent her a txt saying I was desperate for a break and that I am not coping. She is coming over in the morning to take saphire off my hands for a few hours, I have no idea where dp is, he still hasnt come home. He msg'd me this morning from a payphone to say he had lost his phone and he was sorry for last night, its just not good enough.

I dont feel like I can be a mum to saphire like this, I love her so much I think she would be better off without an unstable person like me looking after her.

I would never leave her on her own but right now I feel like getting in the car and driving away from it all, but as usual, there is no-one here to help me.

I go to a mothers group once a week, and they are really nice girls, but even when I am there I feel like none of them like me....and there is no reason for feeling like this, just me being insecure and hitting depression again fast.

hugs

on teh going back don't look @ it as giving up.

Make a list pro cons of staying pro cons of going.

Do u think he will protest if you went.

just remember wherever u are we are here! worldwide web

I know I wouldnt be happy if I went back, but I would have a lot more support.

I am usually happy here, but it only takes something small to have me in floods of tears.
He would protest if we went back, but to be honest it is his fault, all of it. If he gave more of a damn about me and my needs there would be no problem. I have no idea why I even love him anymore, but I do.
I havent eaten a proper meal in days, weeks probably, have lost 10kg since may and feel all my control slipping away.
All I want is to be happy.

That's great Linds

hugs linz, if u where closer we could be miserable together.... nah we could cheer each other up..

Lindsey, what you are going through sounds VERY much like PND, i remember going through panics that i was a terrible mother because I was so down and didn't want to do anything maternal, to major panic and fear that litterally gripped me..that who would look after Brianna if anything happened to me.

I think you need to try and meet up with one of the guys on here and a fellow prem Mummy who will understand what you are going though, even my best and most supportive friends still do not understand and quite frankly how can they?

I wish i was closer, i would help in an instant but please go see a Dr and talk it out with them and it's sounds really good that your MIL is helping, maybe she was just coming to the defence of her Son because deep down she knows you are right and she feels guilty and responsible for his behaviour ?

Big hugs my friend and if you want to talk on the phone anytime pm me and we will catch up.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

How did your mini break go?

It was nice thanks Rhonda...I went shopping on my own, bought myself some make-up and some flowers had a coffee and just sat in silence for half an hour! Not much but it helped.....until DP phoned me and said he wass on his way home...so I had to go home and deal with him.....we are trying to talk about what is going on, he has no idea how miserable I am. He has gone out to get me food as I havent eaten in days.....so the talking will continue when he gets back.
I dont know if we will stay together, it is up to me really and I am not seeing things very clearly atm

Hon, I think you are probably seeing clearer than you think

I really dont know what I want.

I know I want a family but I dont know if my desire to have a happy family is making me get hurt over and over again.

I keep taking him back with promises that things will change and they never do...but I want it to work so much. When it is good between us it is really good, but when it is bad I lose all faith in myself as a person and feel worthless.

I am going to go to the doctors next week, I am sick of crying and feeling like a failure.

???? he fails too come home and you are having some me time and your expected to drop all and get home. heck huni show him what its like. Next tiem make him wait.

hugs we are all here for you

Amen to that!

It wasnt coz I had to get home to see him, it was coz his mum was at my place and she didnt want to see him so I had to get back so she could leave before he got there!

Shit if it was me, I would have made him wait!

You definitely need to get some help for PND. You deserve to feel happy as a mother and as an adult, and the horrormones post birth (and for up to 12 months afterwards) can really screw your head around.

And you need to set a time limit for improvement from DH, set it quietly in your own mind. Something like 'he needs to be telling me when he's not coming home in advance and actually treating me like a significant person within my life, actually being a father, within 3 months. If he hasn't improved by the end of October, it'll be time for me to go home.' That means you're not dragging it on endlessly and it helps to give you mental structure for dealing with it all too. If you can list a couple of things you desperately need to see improvement on first, measurable things, that'll help you a lot.

I hope you find the path that's right for you and your little girl.

as for the mothers group - don't think that they don't like you, they just don't understand you. A lot of us have made comments over time that we find it really hard going to mother's groups because people just don't get it and think that you're over reacting etc.

Righto I need to find somewhere that I'm comfy taking all the kids to in your area .... work brain work.

I have a car Vic....and as long as you dont live somewhere heaps complicated to find, I can come out your way......probs far easier for me to travel with one littly..than you with 3!