The over whelming feeling of helpfulness

July 29, 2015 No Comments »

I remember my first time in NICU when my son was born 15 weeks early at 25 weeks gestation. The feeling of helpfulness became overwhelming at times watching all the staff taking care of my little boy themselves why all i could do was sit and watch….

Then November last year my little girl decided to make an even earlier entrance at 16 weeks early. I found myself thinking the week leading up to her arrival as i laid in the hospital bed hoping she will hold on another day plus another day and missing my kids at home… I have this all under control i thought a few times…. i’ve been through this all before … i’m hearing what the doctors are telling me but i know everything will be ok…..

Then all of a sudden i’m rushed for a emergency C Section and my life will change for ever. The hours following the surgery when i’m finally taken down to see my little girl, the wonderful staff wheeled me to as close to the her crib as possible, BUT i cant touch her instead i’m handed a her first photo…. The next day i am able to be wheeled down in a wheel chair to sit with my little girl BUT i can not touch i’m told even though i’ve washed my hands over and over….

Later the same day i get wheeled down again to sit her side, hands washed i asked if i can hold my beautiful little girl…. Im sorry but no you cant she isnt strong enough just yet. For the following week i’m told the same thing. I know the nurses and doctors are doing an amazing job around the clock to help her survive that day at a time. As much as they also supportive they cant help with the feeling of helpfulness of not being able to take care of my own child.

 

My little angel

Twice i have been sat in the same spot, The second time i’m half prepared. But i think to myself now about all the other parents who are sitting in the same seat. Do they have family support? Do they have friends that can help them through this very hard up and down time? Do they have someone to just sit with them no words need to be spoken just knowing someone is there and that they are not alone even if it is 2am in the morning.

I find myself thinking what can i do? how can i become that person that someone who is in this position  that i have found myself in twice be called upon so they are not alone????? To talk or to just sit and say nothing just so they are not alone…… i’m open to ideas everyone

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *