Dealing with four month milestone delays

Our daughter Talia recently had her first developmental review, at four months corrected. Prior to meeting the paediatrician, we completed a questionnaire asking where she was in terms of gross and fine motor control, social/communication, problem solving skills and so forth.

As a 27-weeker with a relatively smooth journey through the NICU (no major complications other than 11 weeks on CPAP), we thought she would be progressing normally for her corrected age. However, as we went through the questionnaire, we found ourselves ticking more and more “not yet” boxes. For example, she wasn’t reaching for things, playing with her hands or feet, putting objects in her mouth or putting any weight on her feet.

Consequently it was not particularly surprising when the paediatrician told us that our “four month old” was presenting as a three month old, in terms of development. I had thought I might feel upset or worried, but actually I just felt relieved that she was not being diagnosed with cerebral palsy or anything more serious. Yes, she is behind where full term babies are at four months, but then that is hardly surprising.

Today I took my daughter to a regular check up held by the physiotherapy department at the hospital where she was born, and that is when I really felt miserable. Babies who were roughly the same size when we were in the same ward seven months ago have raced ahead. They have grown further and faster than Talia, and they are reaching, playing with both hands, rolling. I should feel happy for the mothers of 24-weekers that their babies are doing so well; and really I shouldn’t be comparing at all, but I can’t help it. I so desperately want everything to be OK with Talia.

Around healthy full termers it is easy to justify that she’s behind because she was prem. Being the last in a group of prems is a much harder pill to swallow.